I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
