Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
