Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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