I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
