Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
