I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
