So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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