started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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