Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
