Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
