Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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