If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
