WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
