So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
two words...techno handjob
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
