end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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