What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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