Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
