the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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