I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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