I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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