sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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