Banned from zoo.
Again?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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