You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
