i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
