Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
