I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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