I don't usually arrange sex via text message
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
