I wish i was in the wii world.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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