I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
