I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
