i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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