Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I need a beard to bite.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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