I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
