No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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