I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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