so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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