you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
