he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I AM VODKA MAN
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
