For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
