I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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