I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
