I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize