This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
