This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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