Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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