Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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