"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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