no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
