i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
