worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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