I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
