bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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