I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
