im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize