When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
