some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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