So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
