Having a random hookup so left but love u
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just forgot I was standing up.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
