If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
