On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
