I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
