Walk of Shame. In a state park.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm always down for nudity.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
