my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
