Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
