I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
