im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
