It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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