last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
