Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize