for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
